It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
