The maid of honor just puked.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
