I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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