So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
