I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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