do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
