and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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