She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
