Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
