So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
