Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
