so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
