What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
