I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
