Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
