Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
