i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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