Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
