Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
