so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
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I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
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Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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