I'm lost and stupid without you.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
