I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
