You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
