I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
