You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
