I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
