Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
