Do you still have your period?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
