he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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