dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
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