I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
True college students do jello shots in the library
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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