Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
