So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
