sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
