Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
i think my cat just said my name.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
