apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
