Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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