he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Randomize
