To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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