did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
There r osticjed everywhere
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
