I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
