Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I wish there were birth control emojis
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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