it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
