you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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