i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
