that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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