He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
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Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
We have so much sex to catch up on
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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