She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
