I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
