a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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