why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
