Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
