Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
