made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
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a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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