after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize