I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
porn star boner night. come get it.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
