He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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