dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
