actually, I'm a sock model
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
