I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
