so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
