you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
