Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
