she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
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Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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