she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
