I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
