he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
