Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
