i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
